Tuesday, October 26

Treacherous Mind

Last Sunday I spent most of my days at the church where I sang in the choir since morning until midday... At first I sang for the large mass with the orchestra. And then later on I went to oen of the choir member's house to attend some sort of party... but it turns out to be another mass to celebrate his auguration at the People's Representative Body (DPR)... then at the midday I had to sing for a wedding ceremony at the church too...

At the end of the day I was at the church since 7.00 and then came home at 16.00... and my choir even asked for its help from the 17.00 mass... but I quit... It was just too much for me...

I wonder what makes me so willingly spent my time for the church... the one place I used to call a fake-community... the union of people who pray to God... and claim to be a Catholic... but afterwards turn into someone worse than evil...

Yes... I doubt the holy community of the Catholics... I doubt its purity... But I have not lost any slightest faith I have for God... I have my own belief of Him and His Work over me and the world... that's why I never asked for more... and thank Him for what I have... but lately I think I have become someone else... I started to think that I deserve more... want more... hunger for more...

but after the reverrend read the wedding homily... I was moved... He said, "Through any happiness or sadness, poor or rich, hungry or not... you will always stay together and share every burden and joy you have." Which reminded me of how I was so close to getting my parents divorced (yes I tried to)... At those times... I was so desperate... I hate my dad... he never worked, always angry at his sons and his wife... always ask for money and tell us to do things for him... he never showed love for us... nor care... but then there was one moment when God's Words tell me that I should be happy that I still have both parents amidst from how horrible the relationship might be... there are children parentless... orphan since birth...

so my Holy Dad... I am sorry for my treacherous mind... I should not doubt your people... I should be thankful to You Dad... and I should always come to your House in the earth to praise and worship You. Thank you for this Life... It's so beautiful...


Blogger ::Nia:: scanned:

Just read your blog. just want to say that I will pray for you. it's indeed not easy to fully surrender to God. surrending to God means forgetting your own-will and be prepare and ready for what He has planned for you, no matter how and what it is.
I'd never heard about your parents, I just remember u told me a little about ur dad. it's not your fault, maybe neither his. I reckon it is because he'd never felt love either. Thus, as a light of the world, as son of God, you suppose to show love through your life. so that your dad could see God's love.
I will pray for you, yoko
Life is not easy, but it is with God.

God bless you, bro

Love, Nia

4:40 AM  

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